she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So vagazzling was a success
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
