the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
