and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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