oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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