Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
