They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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