I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
