i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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