I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
