What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
