When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
