1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
