A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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