I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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