The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
