Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
