Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
