You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
