Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
