I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
