idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
