If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
