Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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