come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
