i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
