Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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