Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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