One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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