So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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