i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
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Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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