I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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