You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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