I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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