I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
