I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
