I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
