arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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