I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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