Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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