I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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