my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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