i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
