I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
