Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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