no, he came in my armpit
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
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my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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