i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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