Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
