the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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