We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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