Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
