They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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