I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
