I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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