I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just found a bag of teeth...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
