One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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