Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize