Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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