Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
