No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
