Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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