It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
