I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
