last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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